


Iruka at Hogwarts, by KT-chan88 aka Gumihou

by Gumihou



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Naruto
Genre: Comedy, Crack Treated Somewhat Seriously, Gen, Harry Potter Crossover - Freeform, I'm Sorry Hogwarts, Iruka is a Little Shit, Naruto is a Little Shit, Some character bashing, Sorry JK Rowling, They are shits together
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2018-11-22 19:55:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11387256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gumihou/pseuds/Gumihou
Summary: Iruka is a sensible man, really. Ok, so jumping into a swirling vortex to save Naruto is not really the work of a sensible man. It just seemed like a good idea at the time... NO SLASHYou know, among all the Harry Potter crossovers that appear with Naruto's world, I have not actually seen one where Iruka plays any role in it beyond concern nth party to Naruto's general health. So, this fic is to fix that slight. Enjoy, my dears. MwahahaThis IS an experimental fic, so it'd probably be semi-crackish. Therefore, brace yourselves dear readers.And yes, this IS KT-chan88. It was my first username for fanfiction writing. I stopped writing Iruka at Hogwarts because I hit the writer’s block wall. Also, my email was hacked so I can't access my fanfiction.net account anymore. Oh, and my computer containing all relevant notes self destructed, all of which I took as a sign from the Internet Gods that really, I should stop all this writing business.One fine day, out of Morbid Curiosity, I Googled the fanfic and saw all these plea for updates, and you know what?Imma gonna defy the Internet Gods and CONTINUE!





	1. The Vortex of Doom

**Author's Note:**

> The chapters will be posted on a weekly basis, basic cleanup etc as well as getting familiar with the plot and all. Thank you to all the readers who have been enormously supportive of a clearly inactive fic. I'm deeply touched and will do my best to continue.
> 
> Because, I want to know what happen too.
> 
> *Winks!*

Umino Iruka had always prided himself for being a sensible man. One has to be in order to keep a cool head among very young children training to be killers. It is especially important when it came to pre-empting what those nasty little vermin had planned in their busy little minds in order to stop them in their tracks before someone gets too injured or die.

Therefore, when a sudden surge of energy engulfed Naruto, and started to sort of suck him into the vortex like a summoning contract thing, Iruka was understandably upset. Being the only ninja within a hundred feet radius capable of dealing with summoning technique (he has a contract with flying squirrels, useful little critters those); he did what he thought was the sensible thing at that time.

He leaped into the vortex in an attempt to grab Naruto out of it.

In hindsight, it was probably not such a great idea. A man who is capable of admitting his own mistake goes far, according to the Sandaime, and as Iruka tried his best to make a good study of Sandaime's work, he is quite prepared to admit his less than sensible decision.

In the far bits of his mind, he knew what is inside Naruto. He is also peripherically aware that there will always be some very nasty and ambitious people who are prepared to do all kinds of terrible things to harness that kind of power. He just didn't expect it to be so soon, as in now, right in front of Ichiraku's ramen stand. He had been treating Naruto to his thirteenth bowl when the glowing vortex thing happened, and now they were stuck in some enclosed area with flagstone floors covered with strange seal writings. He had never seen the any of the seals that covered the floors before, which worries him a bit.

He may not be a master in the Sealing Art, but Iruka had spent many days as a mischievous Little Shit, as his genin sensei lovingly called him, studying the best ways to utilize said seals in his many, many pranks. It all stopped when he became a teacher at the Academy. There was simply no time to pursue his little hobby beyond the occasional tweaking of the random explosive tag. Or the colour changing tag, now that had been some cool innovations if he could say so himself-

Ahem, back to the matter at hand.

While some may scoff that of course a school teacher like him would not recognize most seal writings, Iruka would like to correct that guy by drafting a modified shock tag on his pants, right after covering them with powdered fish bones and near some really hungry cats. He might not have recognised these seals but what he did recognise was the sense of Doom that befell them. Bad people wishing for unhealthy things on their bodies' kind of Doom. The flagstone floor is a helpful clue. Apparently, Naruto recognise that Doom as well, his orange clad student kept still under him, tensed for action. Waiting for a direct order from him, ceded to his authority as a teacher and a superior. Iruka hoped fervently that the trust was not misplaced.

Faint flickering light surrounded them, the kind that suggested lighted torches or candles. Evil summoning atmosphere checked. Something moved in the darkness beyond the edge of seal, Iruka continued not to move. He has five kunais; two rolls of ninja wire and a new pack of shuriken all within easy reach. After that incident with Mizuki, he had started arming himself with something more than just a single kunai, bandages and anti-septic creams.

It seemed being prepared paid off, though he wondered if it was enough to get them out of this summoning vortex mess. A foot step into his line of sight; theblack boot looked sinister with dark robes brushing the tops of it. The highly polished black leather reflected Iruka’s eyes back at him. Sounds of other footsteps closed in, Iruka kept his hand light on Naruto's bicep. Not yet.

A voice barks harshly across the room. Iruka did not recognise the words, but he knows anger and impatience when he hears it. Something had gone wrong with the summoning. Then, his instincts screams for him to move, so he did. Heaving to his feet, a blast of red light missed him by centimetres, creating a crater at his feet.

"Naruto! Kage Bunshin!" he yelled, throwing the boy to the air.

A rain of Naruto fell on the enemies. Some henge into his form, others popping from different coloured light blasting from all sides. He darts to the closest one, flinging a shuriken to the source of light, a stick, snapping the weapon in two. There was a fizzle and a howl of frustration. Iruka did not pause in his momentum; he crashed his elbow low in the gut, and bashed the masked face using all the force behind his powerful upper body mass. The man toppled and fell like a civilian.

He ducked to the left by instinct, a shuriken left his hand in deadly accuracy for the vulnerable area just under the mask. Blood spurted from the stabbed throat. Taking his cue, Naruto charged the enemy bodily. None of the enemies were fast enough or strong enough to withstand his meagre taijutsu. That was, until they started to use the shunsin, or a variation of it, catching the boy by surprise with red bursts of lights. Fortunately, the clones caught the worst of it, but Iruka was not prepared to risk waiting around to see what else they could do. Hoping the language barrier extended to the other side he shouted.

"Let's get out, cover our retreat!"

"But, sensei, we're winning!" shouted one clone just before it was blasted to smoke.

"Let's go, now!" Iruka thundered.

More clones popped into existence, a hand slipped into his, and Iruka grasped it hard enough to hurt, making sure it was the real one. A grunt answers him.

"Come on," he says in a low voice, "Up the walls,"

Under the havoc of the exploding clones, they ran from lights, leaving the summoners to fight among Naruto's clones into the dubious safety of the shadows. He had no plans beyond getting out of the fighting range. The goal was to find the wall first, from there to track down a doorway of sort, and hopefully find a way outside to determine their current position.

That was the plan at least, until the wall under their feet blasts inwards.


	2. The Poison Master

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Konoha duo encounters Snape.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Made some changes, a little tweak here and there. Fixed my dialogue punctuation. Hope you guys and gals enjoy this!
> 
> KT-chan88

Iruka woke up to the sight of a large beaked creature peering into his face. He gave an unmanly shriek, rolled out of bed and dashed up the wall before his eyes mocked him by revealing that the 'beaked creature' was actually a man. A very pale man with a rather poisonous air about him, the 'beak' was actually a rather impressive nose. The man wore a very nasty scowl on his face. Iruka had to suppress an instinctive urge to do or say something inappropriate. Baiting stern authoritative figures had been a hobby of his when he was younger. Somehow, he didn't think now was the best time to give in to the impulse.

For a moment, they both stared/glared at each other. The door slammed open.

"Iruukaa-Senseeeiiii!" A shrill voice thrilled.

Iruka blinked, "Naruto?"

"Sensei!" Naruto ducked under some grasping hands. His small form darting to the wall Iruka was crouching against.

Iruka quickly hopped down, not really crazy about experiencing one of Naruto's tackle/hug against gravity.

"Eeeh? What happen to your hair? And why are you in dress? Did they put you in a dress, sensei? There are some really, really old people here, older than the Old Man and probably older than rocks! They tried to put me into a dress too but I escaped!" He beamed proudly, showing off his own boxer clad self.

It was then Iruka noticed his current 'dress' state. Someone had removed his chuunin uniform and vest, along with all his weapons, scrolls, bandages and hair tie. He ran a hand through loose sticky hair, scowling at the way it obscured his vision.

"Excuse me," a smiling old man with a ridiculous amount of facial hair wondered up to them. Iruka wondered if the man ever tripped over his own beard.

"Uwaah! It speaks!" Naruto screeched, pointing rudely at the old man.

Iruka reflexively whapped him on the head. "Show some respect, Naruto," he bowed to the person. "Sorry for his rudeness, but we are a bit stressed at the moment. Thank you for your hospitality, but I’m sure you’d understand if we wish to know more about our hosts and this place.”

"Of course, of course," the old man smiled indulgently. "My apologies for the late introduction, I am Albus Dumbledore, the Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. This is Professor Snape, our potions master and I believe you've already met Madam Pomfrey," he twinkled at Naruto and a pinched face woman who glared accusatively at Iruka. "The nurse of this hospital wing."

"I see, well, my name is Iruka, also a school teacher," he placed a hand on Naruto's shoulder to stall any form of Hokage announcements. "And this is my student, Naruto,"

The sour looking man, Snape muttered something to the woman who frowned, and said something stiffly to Dumbledore. The old man nodded and smiled at them, "I believe my staff would like to know what kind of teacher carries weaponries on their person."

The sour looking man moved like a fighter, but the others telegraph their movement like civilians. Iruka may not know who these people were, but civilians were often uncomfortable of the type of knowledge taught in ninja schools. He kept his face pleasant and mild.

"One who cares for the safety of their students, Headmaster Dumbledore,"

Play up to their similarities, don't give them a reason to hate or suspect. Iruka smiled and projected harmlessness, ordinary chuunin teacher here, with a delinquent student. Nothing to see, so please move on.

The twinkly eyes almost sparkled with glee, "I see, it is rare to see such dedication. Perhaps you could tell us more about your school?"

Visions of students throwing knives at a target, doing chakra exercises, practicing their hand seals-

"STOP!" Iruka dashed backward, Naruto fell limp under his pull, all the better for Iruka to hold on to him. Iruka swept his other hand out, catching a tall vase. A shower of water and glass halted in front of the old man, captured in an invisible shield.

All three had their sticks out, both Iruka and Naruto continued to move backward, having noted the wide windows showing sunlit skies and green forests. If they could just make it out…

The man, Snape, whipped his stick; Iruka dashed one of the bed partitions in the way of a sizzling blue light.

"Naruto!"

"Kagebunshin no jutsu!"

Several clones popped into existence, charging the three people. A quick shout and a fizzle burst several of them, but the resulting chakra smoke made it almost impossible to see. Iruka went through his own hand seals, a bunshin Naruto and Iruka appeared, with a nod, they headed for the doors. Civilians geared towards doors and stairways as naturally as ninja did towards windows and roofs. With a final glanced back at the disappearing bushin, Iruka leapt after Naruto out the window.

000000

The forest was densely covered, offering a good amount of shelter. The 'dress' he had on was well insulated, but Iruka was more concerned about Naruto's nearly naked form. They had been in the forest for about two weeks now. Thankfully, food was not a problem; the forest was a treasure trove of animal and plant life. He shared the cloth of the dress, making a shirt out of the shortened hem. If he had to, he could line it with rabbit fur later when it gets colder. The trees surrounding them indicated a four season type of weather.

Secretly, Iruko hoped they did not have to stay too long in this odd place. However, it did not look like they would be getting away from here soon. Their point of arrival was a closed stone room. Thus far, the most promising place to look for such place was inhabited by mind invading old men and poison masters.

Five days ago they had encountered some half man, half horse thing that tried to shoot them out of the trees with arrows. Now that was something not native to Konoha, observed Iruka. He tried not to think about the future too much. Shinobi were taught to survive in any kind of environment after all, and with the abundance of food and nice weather, this was practically vacation for them. Concentrating on day to day survival was easier than contemplating the fact that as the adult, it’s up to Iruka to come up with the solution (if any) to return to Konoha.

They spent daylight hours hunting and foraging, noting familiar and unfamiliar plants. Iruka was gratified to find that Naruto’s plant identifying skills were beyond his admittedly low expectations. It turned out that the boy spent a lot of time eating random leaves and fruits and knew the dangers via explosive diarrhea and intense, but short lived fevers. Iruka never thought he’d ever had cause to give thanks to the Fox living inside Naruto.

Iruka spent the nights worrying about the seal that brought them to this place. This strange world of half and half things and mind invading old men was not native to any part of the Five Countries. The looming castle structure was too distinctive not be remarked on any maps.

Thankfully, not all things were strange. The sight of giant spiders trooping out of the under brushes were a comfort somehow. Those were common enough in the Forest of Death that Iruka was actually happy to see them here. Though, he had to stop Naruto from dropping a rock on the trooping spiders 'just to see what happened'. 

Fortunately, Iruka had his vast experience as a pre-genin sensei to draw on. Having looked after twenty pre-genin at once did wonders for one's situational awareness. Iruka absently flicked a small pebble, knocking the falling rock out of its course and away from the spiders. The look on Iruka's face clearly said. "Do that again and I'll drop you into the spider's nest myself'. Naruto had the grace to look sheepish.

They had covertly explored the little huddle of houses squatting at the other end of the forest, and found shops selling things not found in their world. The papers he'd scrounged up from sidewalks and bins contained odd looking words and more remarkably, moving photographs. Those had thrilled and enchanted Naruto even as Iruka's heart sank. It made him doubted his hasty retreat from the castle. Perhaps he should have paused to listen to the old man? Or at least, perhaps he should have projected an air of calm and naivety to gain access to whatever knowledge they might have on the seals that brought them here. Iruka brooded with what-ifs for a while. Some ninja he was, unable to keep his head clear for pre-emptive thoughts.

He wondered darkly what Kakashi the Wonder Ninja would have done in his place. Probably whip out a porn book and pretend not to be bothered by the dimension wide transplant, thought Iruka gloomily. He really didn't like that super elite ninja man. Too bad Dumbledore had chosen that particular day to try and negotiate with the Strangers in the Trees, as the centaurs dubbed them. Iruka was in a foul mood. When the old man tried to mind read him again in the middle of a negotiation, he signaled for Naruto to activate a specially designed trap. That was the end of any visits from the castle.

Until now that was.

It was the sour looking man, Iruka noted, good, if it had been the mind reading old man again, he would have done something drastic. Sic Naruto on him or something. He waved Naruto back, the boy was eager for action, but Iruka was the better negotiator. Relatively speaking. He tried not to think about how he had messed up the first two encounter with that mind reading old man. Hidden clones surrounded the forested area ready to burst in at the slightest signal from Iruka. 

He dropped into the clearing before the man, palms up to show no weapons. Not that he needed one, they both knew that.

"Where's the boy?" The man's smooth voice was thick with accent, but the words clear enough.

"He's around," said Iruka casually. "What do you want?"

"Straight to the point, I see," Snape sneered; black eyes flickered to his bare feet. "Do you fancy yourself a woodland creature?"

"Why have you come?"

"To speak with you, none of the others were fluent enough in your language,"

"Well," Iruka idly scratched his ankle with a big toe. "You aren't so great at it yourself,"

"The headmaster is more fluent than me, however you've made it clear you would not speak with him."

Iruka grinned, the tree sap had been a pain to harvest, that coupled with two dead rabbits and a huge ball of spider web Naruto had stumbled into three days after their foray into the forest had yielded spectacular results. Actually, he had planned to go along with the next negotiator back to the castle. Iruka didn't really want to live in the forest forever, interesting though it was. Staying in the forest was never really an option. They needed to find a way back and the best source of information was locked up within a language barrier and a wall of stone.

"The man still goes into a mild spasm whenever he brushes by a spider web." There was a suspicious twitch to the dour looking mouth.

Iruka grinned back. "Well, that'll teach him not to simply pry into other people's mind,"

That earned him a strange look.

"What?"

"Are you an occlumens?"

"A- what?"

"Have the ability to block mind readers,"

"Hmm… wouldn't you like to know," actually, Iruka had no special mind defence skill. However, he does know what it felt like to have his mind broke into. After that incident with Mizuki, some clan leaders had not been satisfied with Naruto's innocence. Iruka had volunteered his mind for Inoichi's inspection, to see for himself what had actually happened. So, yeah, he knows what it's like to be mind raped thank you very much.

Snape looked a little intrigued, but cautious. He had no wish to end up like the headmaster. However open and Hufflepuffish the expression, the man before him had proven that he could kill. The Order of Phoenix aurors had recovered some oddly shaped weapons from the throat of a Carrow, wearing a Death Eater mask at the site of some summoning circle. Fudge would have some trouble explaining that.

The Oriental language was one of the several that Severus could speak relatively fluently due to some heavy text translating work he had had to do in his youth. Some items could only be bought in its native country, and knowledge of the language almost always guarantees a discount. So, Severus had learned, and kept the memory of it in the recesses of his mind. It never occur to him that one day he'd use this obscure language to negotiate with a mild manner known killer down from a tree, who walks barefoot in the forest like a pixie and dressed in robes cut off at mid thigh.

"Do you know why you are here?"

Mild brown eyes sharpened. "No, I do not, my student and I were having lunch together, when some kind of light appear and swallow us both,"

He was hiding something, thought Snape. "Shall I tell you then? I saw the circle on the floor," he was taking a chance here, revealing information. "They were preparing a ceremony for a demon summoning." There was no change in the body language and expression, that itself was telling. "What do you make of that?"

The man was hiding something, thought Iruka. So this was how they would play, information for information. To see who was more adept at sifting through the lies and grasped the truth, he shook his head. "I do not know any demon in my village." That was the truth, he knew of the demon inside Naruto. "Perhaps they made a mistake? Summoning is a complicated subject, not something taught at school,"

"Not even your type of school?"

A challenge, Iruka acknowledged. "Summoning contract is a jealously guarded secret, I'm afraid even I knew very little of it." True, he knew only one, the flying squirrel contract. "Tell me, what kind of knowledge does your school impart? A poison maker like you must have some interesting tales,"

The air around the man grew dangerous,."Do be careful how you speak, Mr. Iruka," his voice low and silk like. "Some might misinterpret your words for what they are,"

"I'm sorry, I don't mean disrespect," the words were humble, but Iruka's body language was rigid. "Poison makers are respected and valuable people to my village, and are accorded a great deal of honour for their art."

That stumped Snape a little. He had been valued for his skill of course and his… 'contributions' were always needed, by both sides of the war. But this was the first time his skill had been called an art by someone outside likeminded potion masters. The respect was real, not came begrudgingly from the goodies-goodies of the Order, nor coloured by sly enviousness from those who came from the shadow of the snake. This was respect for actual art, as such garnered by artists and sculpt makers.

"You come from an odd society, Mr. Iruka." He said at last.

"Please, just Iruka will do," he smiled, and called up. "You can come down now Naruto,"

A rustle, then an army of Naruto descended and Severus saw what had happened to the rest of Iruka's robes. The blonde child could not be more than ten or eleven, a tiny child even by Asian standards. The rest of the blonde kids glared at him even as one ran to the teacher. Severus kept his hands visible. For a village that allowed its teachers and children to carry weapons and to treat poison makers with respect, had to be a place which prized knowledge for its combative usefulness rather than academic purpose.

"How does he do that?" Severus could not contain his curiosity any longer. "The doubles I mean. I can possibly create the same effect using a doppelganger potion, but only two."

Iruka smiled, ruffling the blonde head, causing the plump whiskered cheeks to puff up. "Naruto's special that way, even I can't pull off more than five, on a good day,"

It was a warning; we're more than what we appear.

Severus inclined his head in acknowledgement, "You will be staying with me at my quarters, the headmaster wishes to speak with you, later of course," he added to stall any objections. "You are not quite my height, but robes can be easily altered." He pointed eyed the frayed edges of the torn up hem.

A faint blush clung to tanned cheeks. "Ah, well, Naruto left without much, so we had to do a bit of adjustment."

"Fair enough," he turned with a swirl of robes. "Come with me," he strode fearlessly through the little blondes, noting the shoeless feet, the healthy flush of cheeks and wary eye. The child was no stranger to hard living.

After a while, a series of pops was heard, Iruka appeared beside him, stepping easily on the wooded floor, while the child darted monkey like in the trees. They made it out of the forest in good time, Severus was thankful that Iruka was not prone to small talk. Once they past the trees, the boy dropped beside them with a wild grace.

As they walked across milder lawns and grassy area, the boy, Naruto bounced around energetically, whipping his head about, large blue eyes taking in sights which he did not have the pleasure of looking while running away. Severus could feel a headache coming up. He hated bouncy, energetic children.

As if in response to his thoughts, the blonde boy spoke up. "Hey, hey, mister, who are you?"

Severus scowled darkly, but the boy was undaunted.

Iruka chuckled softly. "Naruto, it's rude to ask for someone's name without giving your own first,"

"Right! I'm Uzumaki Naruto! My favourite colour is orange and my favourite food is ramen! I like miso ramen best, especially Ichiraku ramen, ramen is even better when Iruka-sensei pays for it. I don't like Sasuke-teme and Sakura-chan is the prettiest girl in the village! Why just the other day I saw her with a new haircut, and it was awesome and-"

Severus had to actually paused and stared at the blonde kid, his jaw slowly dropping open at the influx of happiness. Standing three feet away, Iruka tilted his head back and laughed.


	3. A Learning Process

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somehow or other, Iruka and Naruto must learn how to get along with life in a magical world.

Dressed in dark dresses, er robes, Iruka watched indulgently as Naruto rushed around the shops, looking into windows, gasping at all sorts of interesting sights. Iruka wished he could do the same, there were flying brooms, walking teacups, biting books and talking pictures, all worthy of a gape or two. Unfortunately he couldn't do so without looking like a 'muggle' or the village idiot. Never mind that the collective IQ of most 'wizards' and 'witches' he'd met were little better than soft pudding. There was no concept of looking underneath the underneath; and a lot of trust was placed on something called the Prophet.

He couldn't read the strange foreign words very well yet, only able to pick out a line or two out of a whole sentence at best. He was doing better than expected though, with the help of some translation spells. But neither he nor Severus dared to use the spell too much ever since that disastrous time when Iruka and Naruto found themselves speaking in odd, horribly scrambled English. In addition to offending his own teacher sense, Iruka had ended up calling Naruto Sliced-Fishcake-With-Pink-Swirl-On-Ramen for days.

As revenge, Iruka had Naruto follow Severus around, chattering away in bad grammar English, offending his teacher sense. Thankfully, Naruto was a quick study when he wanted to be, Iruka had impressed upon him that the only way to return home was to study the 'seal magic' of this world, and the only way to do this is to first learn the language, and then the magic. So the boy had talked, and talked and talked and talked his way through most of the people, moving portraits, giant man, giant squid and various animals and plants in the castle.

They both made special effort to avoid the headmaster and the school nurse. Something that seemed to amuse the old man, and offend the rest of the castle staffs. There was a bitter old caretaker called Filch in the castle, who shook his fist at Naruto. Iruka was concerned how Naruto felt about that, but he needn't have bothered. The one time they had a conversation about that old man, Naruto was surprisingly mature.

"He's mean to everyone, so that's okay, that's how he say hello!" and rushed off to play a prank on the man.

The trip to Diagon Alley was a rare treat outside the castle; they mostly slogged under the sun next to the squid infested pond. A chance Kage Bunshin popping while nagging Severus for sweets helped them discover the special learning aspect of the jutsu. Since then, Iruka spent his days by the pond surrounded by little blonde Narutos either scowling unhappily at their books or chattering away with each other in broken English.

"Iruka-sensei, look! Look!" Naruto appeared out of the crowd, smiling and tugging eagerly at his wrists.

Severus snorted, muttering something ugly under his breath about noisy little brats. Iruka smiled indulgently at both of them, allowing Naruto to pull him across the cobbled roads. They stopped before a pet shop, obvious by the amount of screeching, barking, yowling and customers leaving with cats, dogs and other… things in their arms. Well, it's either a pet shop or a shop that sells really fresh potions ingredients.

"The Magical Menagerie," Iruka swore he could see sneer dripping off the words. "How… typical."

Wow, that significant pause.

"Can we look, Iruka-sensei? We don't have to get anything." Despite his childish acts, Naruto was well aware of their financial state. None of them carried usable money on them through the unexpected vortex thing and what money given to them that day was allotted for Naruto's education. A wand, potions ingredients, and other assorted items that could not be gotten second-hand from the school's poor student fund.

Iruka ruffled the blonde hair, there's no shame being poor. "Alright, just a look then," he looked up at the severe man. "You don't have to follow us all around you know, I'm sure you have something more pressing to do."

Black eyes glared. "I am to escort you and Mr. Uzumaki,"

"Fine, fine," Iruka flapped a placating hand at him, smirked and followed Naruto to the Menagerie.

The noise was even louder inside, made worse by the shrieks of children screeching over animals or crying when parents refused to buy them a certain poisonous bullfrog or something. There were regular cats and dogs, some snakes and birds of all kinds. Owls were particularly predominant, possibly due to their mailing ability. They appeared to serve the same purpose as hawks, though Iruka had to admit that the owls were much more adorable. There were also some rather interesting creatures, a jewel encrusted tortoise for example, a winged monkey and fire breathing lizards. Naruto rushed from one cage to another, gasping in awe or making faces at the animal within.

It took some time for him to grow tired, but in the end, Iruka still had to bodily haul the boy out, where the boy immediately went for a broomstick display shop.

"Is he always this energetic?" Came the sardonic remark.

"Oh no," Iruka smiled, and waited a beat. "He used to be much, much worse." He watched with satisfaction as the tall wizard did a full body shudder.

"IRUKA-SENSEI! LOOK!"

Severus eye did a weird ticking thing.

"Duty calls," said Iruka serenely and whisped past him in a quiet swish of robes, as comfortable as though he had been wearing them since birth.

000000

That man cannot be entire sane, Severus observed with mild awe, the whiskered brat was 10 times worse than the Weasley twins, together, and twice as bad as Potter in getting into trouble. What's worst, the brat had absolutely no fear, at all. Severus had had to stop the boy from conducting all sorts of fatal experiments with his potions, watch him fall from moving stairs (The boy had to be the clumsiest idiot ever! He made Longbottom look graceful) bit into dubious looking 'food'. He cannot be intimidated, stared down, threatened or even shouted into obedience.

Once, once during a time when his senses had taken leave of his head, he had presented a small packet of the muggle ramen the boy rambled on and on about, he had bought the thing when shopping for some shampoo and yes! He does wash his hair damn it! The little imp had attacked him with a loud scream, which Umino had sworn was a cry of unbridled joy. His one act of kindness for the decade came back to bite him in the arse almost immediately. The boy would not leave him alone! Short of throwing a packet of ramen to the distance for him to run after… also, because of his doppelganger ability, Severus now have a blonde shadow trailing him absolutely everywhere, claiming 'Professor-Snape-Sensei-Sama-Sugoi'!

Severus felt his left eyebrow twitched at the memory. Just last week the boy had run screaming out of the forest, a horde of super large spiders on his tail, clicking and squealing in anger. The boy had screamed, made a bunch of clones, screamed some more and proceed to beat the spiders with rocks, fists and feet. He managed to drive off five, killed two and earned the wrath and fear of the rest. The boy was later scolded by the Umino in front of the headmaster for running off unsupervised; Severus observed that Umino seemed more concerned about the none supervision rather than any danger the boy may encounter. In contrast, Madam Pomfrey was closed to hysterical when she heard of the incident, but the boy bore no scars from his little adventure, and seemed to fear her mothering more than the attacking spiders.

The boy was now bouncing in front of the latest broom, some variation of the Firebolt. Umino had once expressed disapproval over the wizarding society's obsession with brooms and quidditch, maintaining that where he came from, brooms were used to sweep floors. Therefore, it was a little gratifying to see the blonde brat annoy his teacher by going on and on about the wonders of flying broomsticks.

"Will you teach me sensei? Huh? Huh?" He skipped around the teacher, waving his arms in a ridiculous manner.

Iruka made a face. "I can't fly brooms either, Naruto,"

Naruto seemed to wilt. "Aww,"

The Smile appeared again, "Why don't you ask Severus-sensei? I'm sure he knows how…"

"YES!" Small fists grasped Severus' robes. "TEACH ME!"

Iruka smiled indulgently. "Such dedication," he directed a mildly evil grin at Severus. "Isn't it lovely when students are fired up about learning?"

Severus gave the man a powerful glare, it bounced off him impotently. "Go away," he told the inhumanly happy creature.

Blue eyes wobbled, Severus hissed and backed away from the sheer cuteness. "Leave me be,"  
The little lips trembled.

"We-we should see Ollivander now, we have to get your wand…" Severus darted his eyes around furiously for an escape, the horror…

Luckily the thought of getting a wand took the boy's mind off about flying, with a happy cheer, he skipped into the crowds. Severus smoothed his robes where sticky little fists had grabbed them. Ten minutes later, an embarrassed Naruto darted back into view, realising that he didn't know where the wandmaker's shop is.

000000

The trip to Ollivander's had been, enlightening, Severus supposed. Both teacher and student held themselves well, unflinchingly down to earth about their penniless state. They had been sucked into a vortex without preparation or gold after all. Practical about it too, when they found out the money from Hogwarts was only enough for a single wand, Umino was adamant about Naruto having one for his impending education at Hogwarts, while his student maintained that his teacher should have it, being more responsible and better at learning 'all this magic junk'.

Severus had finally solved the problem by slamming more gold on the countertop, and a blithe 'You can pay me later' to stave off the impending headache from the escalating argument. Both student and teacher had watched him with wobbly eyes. Luckily, only one tackled him into a hug, much to Ollivander's amusement.

Which brought him to the present situation.

"Wingardium Leviosa!"

Nothing happen.

"Wingardium LevioSA!" More wand shaking, "Ne, ne, Sensei, I think the stick is broken,"

A frowned. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, nothing happened,"

"Hmm,"

"Senseeeiii"

"Hush for a bit," he picked up his own wand. "Wingardium Leviosa,"

More nothing happened.

"See!" Whiskered cheeks puffed up in indignation. "I bet the old man rip us off, let's go beat him up!"

That earned him a whap on the head.

"Owie…"

"Let's look for Severus, I'm sure there's something we're doing wrong…"

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"Nani! We have to learn another language!" Naruto screamed.

Portraits fled at the voice, although some brave (foolish?) figures rushed to the hillside landscapes to hide behind and eavesdrop on the impending explosion. Even Iruka's impeccable smile seemed to slip at that, something Severus took a perverse delight in.

"Not really, just the magical words, most magic uses Latin words, so the pronunciation is critical to its success,"

"Then how are we supposed to know how to say it if we don't learn it in the first place!" Iruka shrieked, infamous temper finally showing. He grabbed Severus by the collar shaking him, never mind the man was a whole head and shoulders taller. "Your stupid country and your stupid spells with your stupid complicated incomprehensible language!"

"Er… Iruka sensei…"

Iruka was cursing in his own language now, still screaming into Severus' face. The other staff members, Minerva McGonagall and the Headmaster rushed in just in time to see the spectacle of the nice, shy young man with beautifully expressive brown eyes now throttling their potions teacher.

McGonagall was horrified. "Mr. Umino, put Severus down at once!"

There was a pause, where Severus felt his head sag from the excessive shaking. There was an embarrassed coughed, and he felt his feet touched the ground. Hands that had been shaking him attempted to straighten his robes.

Iruka coughed again. "Ahem, sorry about that, the past week had been rather,ah, frustrating," he bowed. "Sorry again, ah, a bit stressed," and then he wondered off in a daze, a strange confused look on his face.

Naruto darted after him, bowing once to the other teachers. "Sorry,"

McGonagall approached the potions master cautiously, "A-are you all right, Severus?"

"Are you injured?" Albus was similarly concerned; the two foreigners had expressed their displeasure for him quite plainly. Not that he was terribly concern about it; one cannot win them all after all. It also warmed his heart to see Severus growing close to people other than himself. 

Although, if it proves to be a hazard to his health…

"I'm fine," Severus patted his robes where the mild mannered teacher had grabbed in a fit. "Just a little… shaken,"

Minerva snorted. "That, is a very bad pun," she rolled her eyes. "If you are well enough to make jokes, I believe no permanent injury had been done to you." The arched look than left her expression and she patted his arm. "Do take care of yourself, Severus, potions masters are rather rare, you know."

"I'll be fine," he nodded to where the teacher and student duo had left. "There's a temper in that one, but it burns out quickly."

"Be as it may, Iruka does make a good point," mused Dumbledore. "I wonder why we never thought of it, most students don't practice Latin as a rule, it would be good for them to be exposed to it,"

"We have two weeks till the term starts, there isn't time for any drastic changes to the schedule," pointed out McGonagall. "Furthermore, there's that Triwizard Tournament coming up, we'd have our hands full with students from other schools as well."

"True, true."


	4. First Day of School

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ah, how nostalgic, it's Hogwart's first day of school!

Two weeks later found Naruto staring at a bewildering amount of people pouring into the school. They had arrived by train, some by tiny boats over the squid pond. Dozens, maybe hundreds in their swishy black robes (not dresses, according all the wizard civilian people), were trooping up the lawn in colour coded groups. The green scarves only hang out with green scarves, red and yellow scarves with red and yellow scarves and so forth. It was like watching a school of fish, especially from his vantage point in the owl tower.

Naruto liked the owl tower. The owls seemed to like him. Most of them anyway. A few were a little snooty. Those had a way of staring down their beaks at him like he smelled like dung. Which he totally did not, not since Iruka had learned the one useful spell from Severus. That cleaning spell, ‘scorchy pie’ never seemed to work for him, but Iruka-sensei had plenty of practice using it on Naruto’s clothes, face, hands, feet, and once, even his ears!

Iruka-sensei’s so awesome.

Wrinkling his nose, Naruto took out his wand and point it at a little cluster of bird shit under his shoe.

“Scorchy pie!”

Nothing happened. He sighed and put away his wand. Oh well, he was due to join the first years anyway. When Naruto had heard that ‘first years’ were equivalent to Basic Pre-Genin, he had thrown a tantrum. Then Iruka had a glint in his eye and declared that if Naruto could defeat him with spells, he’d persuade the professors here to put him with the graduating class. Naruto had seen Iruka practice his new ‘spells’, and thought that an incredible ninja like himself would learn all that faster than any civilians could ever dreamed of, and agreed.

Two minutes into their ‘fight’. Naruto found his shoelaces tied together, his beloved orange clothes turned black, his hair grown over his eyes, the floor under his feet turned as slippery as a greased frog and was fighting with his own shoes, one of which were trying to bite his nose.

But, damn, Iruka-sensei was awesome. It was an honour being defeated by such high calibre opponent. Even the old as rocks professor thought so too!

“I’ve never seen such harmless spells used in this way,” he had said admiringly, while the old lady glowered.

A high pitched shout brought his attention back to the commotion outside. Green scarves and red scarves were now squaring off against each other. Both shouting insults and throwing nasty looks. Naruto blinked slowly at all the posturing, wondering when the actual fight was going to happen. A bunch of the yellow scarves were huddled together, trying to herd the little ones away from the potential fight. The ones wearing blue scarves were all scattered, making their way in groups of twos or threes towards the castle.

Naruto soon lost interest in the goings on below when one of the friendlier owls, a small squeaky one, landed on his head.

“Hey, Little owl,” he said in English. The words sounded slurry on his tongue, but he had promised Iruka-sensei that he’d practice the language and greetings were the most important words after all. “My name is Naruto. What is your name?”

The owl squeaked and flapped it’s stupidly big wings. Naruto mimicked the squeak back at the little bird. The owl glared at Naruto and, with a final indignant squeak, flew off.

Below, the shouting receded. Professor Snape’s malevolent tones floated up maniacally. Naruto grinned. He rushed to the window to look down. There, looming like a great angry bat, was Professor Snape. The concentrated group of yellow, red and green dispersed. The mass hurried as one towards the castle. Not one was willing to test the professor’s ire.

Naruto sniggered. He had been told to wait in a small room to the right of the Big Doors by Professor McGonagall as soon as the students started arriving. Well, they have arrived and he was nowhere near the Big Doors. There was no way he would make it in time if he tried to run through the castle, dodging staircases and getting lost in random corridors. Thus, in typical Naruto fashion, he went for the most direct route.

He put a foot on the sill, launched off like a yellow and black bird (no orange was allowed, alas) and free fall towards the ground. The owls hooted in surprise at his sudden departure.

Professor Snape was too used to Naruto dropping out of unexpected places to be surprised when he landed lightly just behind the man, which was too bad. It was awesome that first time when the Poison Master was literally startled a foot off the ground. stinging spells had hit Naruto on the face, and there were boils, and random fur, and his stomach was cut opened at one point, but the Fox took care of that quickly. It helped that Professor Snape was as good with healing spells as he was with his slashing spells.

Unfortunately, not everyone was as impressed. He was sent to the hospital wing even though Professor Snape had pretty much healed the cut. A total bummer. The witchy nurse had taken one look at his blood stained shirt and nearly fainted in horror. The nurse kept shooting spells at him, patting his tummy and asking rapid fire questions which his meager Inggeris could not keep up. Professor Snape was no help, standing like a statue in a corner, being absolutely unhelpful and ignoring Naruto’s pleading glances.

Then, the hospital door slammed open, making the nurse and Professor Snape jumped back.

Iruka came striding in, robes billowing almost horizontally behind him. Which was awesome cool. In the fashion of the locals, Iruka-sensei had worn his hair in a low ponytail, which suited him in a very cool way.

“Um,” said the nurse bravely.

“Ah,” said Professor Snape, but he did not continue.

“Hi ya, Iruka-sensei!” Naruto chirped.

Iruka stopped at his bedside. There was still some dried blood on Naruto’s shirt despite witchy nurse’s best scorchy pie. Iruka glared at the bloodstains. He glared at the nurse, then at Professor Snape.

The next word were said in the most neutral voice. “What happened.”

There was a babble of noises from all around. There were accusations and hand waving. And some brooding silence from Severus.

The area between Iruka’s eyebrows creased as the noise level went up. He pinched it. When that did not improve the situation, he tried massaging his temple with his fingers.

“Let me get this straight,” he growled. “You!” he pointed at Naruto, “Jumped out of nowhere and surprised Professor Snape.”

“Um,”

“And you!” The finger now pointed at Professor Snape. “Reacted by shooting out random curses.”

Professor Snape said nothing.

“At students, no less!” The witchy nurse was getting worked up now. “Don’t think I won’t be reporting this, Severus. A student’s safety is compromised!”

Iruka sighed. “Naruto, are you still hurt?”

“No, Professor Sensei fix me good. Like new!” He jumped up from the bed, grinned and did a back flip to demonstrate.

The nurse gasped.

Iruka-sensei’s eyebrow twitched.

Professor Snape said nothing.

“Naruto…”

“Eh?”

“YOU IDIOT!!!” The giant Fist of Doom crashed upon Naruto’s head.

“Owie,” muttered Naruto as he rubbed his head. The bump was gone now, but the memory of that fist was still clear enough to make him crossed his eyes.

It would be optimistic to say that Naruto had stopped being obnoxious, or that Professor Snape mellowed out after that incident. In reality, he had just gotten smarter about where he surprised the Professor. The professor still reacted with extreme aggression, but the spells now wrap Naruto in knife proof cloths or teleported him out of the castle and dumping him into the squid pool.

Now that was really awesome.

What was not so awesome was the way Professor McGonagal was glaring at him. There she was, standing by the Big Doors looking very sour and unimpressed. Professor Snape Sensei was also glaring, one finger pointing at where the old lady professor was standing.

Fine, fine, whatever.

Puffing out his cheeks, Naruto stomped over to where Professor McGonagal was standing with her arms crossed, tapping her foot in a most impatient manner. Naruto pouted, and allowed himself to be herded into the room where a bunch of kids in black dresses were standing anxiously together. They all stared, wide eyed, at Naruto. Naruto grinned at them, “Hi! Hi! I Naruto!”

Iruka-sensei had told him to make friends. This was a good start, right?

Making friends with kids was one of his special skills. As soon as Professor McGonagal had gone off looking for other lost first years, the once tensed room was full of chatter. They were being so noisy that the stream of older students poked their heads in to check out the commotion. Now that they were much closer, Naruto could see the symbols on their chest, snake, lion, badger and raven. Each represented by their own colours. He was disappointed to see that there were no frogs. There should be orange frogs. Why weren’t there orange frogs?

Most of the students were taller than him by a whole lot, making him feel tiny in comparison. Heck, some of them were even taller than Iruka-sensei! One of the passing older students saw him. It was a young blonde boy talking snottily with his friends, with a sharp glare he snapped, 

"What are you looking at, Firstie?"

Undaunted, Naruto bounced out, "Yo!" he grinned.

The boy blanched. "You! What the- What are you doing here?" His shout drawing interested looks from the crowd.

Naruto scratched his head. "Um, school?"

"I thought you were going back to the East with your teacher." The boy, Dureko, Naruto remembered his name now, ranted. "Why aren't you back there?" His eyes grew round. "Are you here to torment me some more!"

"I school here!" Naruto chirped.

Dureko smacked a hand over his eyes. "Why? Why me?"

The other students stared at the bizarre sight curiously. A pair of identical red-headed boys strode into view.

"Well, hello there,"

"What have we here?"

"A pair of ickle blondies,"

"Cutie Slytherins I believe,"

"Hi! I Uzumaki Naruto!" Naruto chirped.

The red heads exchanged a look.

"Fred,"

"George,"

"Cute tattoos," remarked Fred.

"Are you one of those savages?" George peered at the marks.

"Eh?"

"Oh, leave him alone you Weasleys," snapped Draco. "We don't associate with those types," he placed himself between Naruto and the two taller boys. "Now go away,"

The redheads' interest on the blonde rose at the sudden protectiveness of the famed for cowardice Slytherin. Their predatory air increased.

"Oh, protective are we?"

"Is the ickle firstie your ickle baby cousin?"

"What! No!" Draco then composed himself. "I am, however, responsible for him, now if you would be so kind as to move on…"

"Well, what if we don't feel like it, eh, Malfoy?"

The other twin stepped closer. "We'd like to get to know the little savage too, don't we, Fred?"

"Yeah, don't be so selfish now-

"-after all, sharing is-"

"-caring!" They both chorused.

Their grinning faces froze when a heavy hand descended on their shoulders, and a silky voice intoned. "Problems finding the Great Hall, Mr. Weasleys?"

Severus Snape loomed behind them much to their horror. Draco smirked smugly, he had caught the sight of the Slytherin Professor making his way to the doors, which was the only reason why he had dared to challenge the twins.

"Uh, no no,"

"Not at all, Professor Snape, sir,"

They laughed nervously. Students sped up their progress to the Great Hall, not exactly eager about commanding the potion master's attention. Then, something most unexpected happened that stopped them in their tracks and made a lot of jaws dropped opened.

"Professor-Snape-Sensei-Sama!" The blonde kid with savage tattoo marks shrieked, and threw his arms around the dreaded potion master's waist.

Time froze for a one terrible second.

 

000000

 

"I'm telling you, that kid's mental!"

"Are you sure that's what you saw?"

"I swear, I saw it happened, Fred and George were there, weren't you guys? Guys?"

The twins sat quietly in their seats, staring at their plates. The rest of the Gryffindors shuddered.

Neville patted Ron on his back. "I believe you, Ron,"

"Yeah," murmured the rest, "us too,"

Something that had traumatised the twins that badly must have had some truth to it.

"Oh, honestly," Hermione pushed back her bushy hair. "Even if that's the case, there's no reason for you to people to overreact," she snapped. "Maybe he's a family member or, or the son of a close friend,"

"Friend? Greasy gits like that don't have friends," Ron intoned darkly.

"What's even more suspicious," put it Harry, "is that Malfoy's interested in that kid,"

"Oh for-" begin Hermione, but she was interrupted by shushing hisses from her friends. She was about to sternly reprimand them when McGonagal's voice cut her off.

"Uzumaki, Naruto,"

They all shifted to stare at the sorting hat held by the deputy headmistress. A small blonde kid skipped up to the table, waved cheerfully at its occupants and sat down eagerly on the stool. The whole room seemed to hold its breath as the hat settled on the blonde head.

After a long while, when most of the occupants of the Great Hall started to fidget, the rip in the hat opened to announced-

"HUFFLEPUFF!"

From then on, interest on the strange blonde dimmed a little. It was all but dissolved by the announcement of the Triwizard Champion Challenged. By the time the Beaubaxton girls danced in, it was forgotten along with the main course.

That was, until the day the Champion's names were announced.

Much feeling of disgust, awe and displeasure were displayed when Harry Potter's name was lifted from the Goblet of Fire, but then, a fourth champion's name floated up. Squinting at the little slip in his hand, Ludo Bagman licked his lips and tried to sound out the terrible handwriting.

"U-UZ-MACKEY NAY RUT HO!"

Silence fell as the listeners attempt to decipher the owner of that unfortunate name.

"It's Uzumaki Naruto dattebayo!" A thin, shrill voice piped out.

Heads whipped over to see a tiny blonde kid bristling in irritation on his bench at the Hufflepuff's table. The general members of the hall then turned to watch as the potion master's aide groaned from his position at the Head Table and covered his face with his hands.

 

000000

 

From within the bowels of his great study, Lucius Malfoy contemplated the hastily penned letter from his beloved son. It was difficult to tell his expression from the flickering light of the fireplace, not that it would be easy to guess Lord Malfoy’s intention in the best of light. The man was a politician after all.

Draco’s letters were normally filled with reports of gossips and activities of the older students and staff members, intersperse with complaints on the fairness (or unfairness) of the world.

Today, the missive brought by the owl contained only one line.

Uzumaki chosen as Champion!

A second letter flew in on the heels of the first by a regular brown owl. This one containing more than just a line.

Dear Father,

Apologies for the previous letter. Uzumaki has been chosen as champion! The details of which I am still investigating. However, it seemed that Uzumaki had gotten the title via one of his inscrutable secret techniques.

Techniques which his personal teacher had agreed to reveal as part of the tribute in order to allow Uzumaki to participate as a fourth member of their own special school.

Your son will not disappoint you and will definitely seize this chance.

Yours,

 

Draco


End file.
